@Jacksawyerr: Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago.
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@Schmoodles: There's a party in my pants, with an all you can eat buffet, and a VIP entrance in the rear.
@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies
@Home_Halfway: I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it's nice to see agreeable babies out there.
@wittwitbarista: My pharmacists won't return my calls anymore *snotty cries* something about no more refills. Quick someone sneeze on me! I'm lonely.