@SirEviscerate: Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
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@2sassymom: Me: Whatcha doin? 7: a stupid math paper Me: why stupid? 7: Sally has 3,000 pennies; really Sally? Get a debit card!
@Douchekevin: This hangover feels like the kids lunches are going to be a brown paper bag with a handful of change, and a note that says 'buy something'.
@SummerCandyEyes: My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal. *cashes in college fund *installs a pool in backyard