@SirEviscerate: Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm a really big cat person ME: *leans in really close* You don't look anything like a cat
@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Genie: I'll give you more wishes, I feel bad for you Me: [with 3 ice cream cones on the ground] That's very nice of you
@Leemanish: Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor.