@Dawn_M_: Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?
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@KyleMcDowell86: *puts dreamcatcher above bed* "Sure hope this works" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* "YES"
@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
@sbellelauren: i know how hard it must have been for my parents to tell me there was no santa because i just had to tell my parents there's no jesus
@ShoutingGoddess: A general tweet to those who attack me but I miss because they're blocked: I'm totally gutted. Well done. You're fierce! You got me GOOD.