@BruceForce: Sorry waiter for pushing you over when you asked me to tip you
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@kellysdf: Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.
@ValeeGrrl: My daughter spelled America "Merica" on a book report so now I'm searching her room for Trump campaign propaganda.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: You forgot my birthday again didn't you? ME: [putting wrapping paper round the cat] Goddammit, I told you not to turn round yet Janet