@BruceForce: Sorry waiter for pushing you over when you asked me to tip you
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@Marlebean: I'm "don't flash your headlights at someone who doesn't have theirs on bc they will come and kill you" years old.
@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.
@ArfMeasures: ME [suspicious my therapist's a ghost] I keep having a dream about a wall THERAPIST: Maybe u could walk me through it ME [quietly] Holy shit