@ConanOBrien: Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”
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@WheelTod: Virgin Airlines original advertising slogan was "We're so sorry about that but If you give us a chance we swear it will be better next time"
@riverpig12: Twitter : bc in real life Smart, funny, beautiful women are not following us anywhere.
@murrman5: *shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife.