@ConanOBrien: Sorry you didn’t win Best Picture, “Mad Max: Fury Road,” but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for “Best Documentary.”
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@kelkulus: evanescence - noun: the process of vanishing or fading out of sight, memory, or existence. So that's what happened. Great band name, guys.
@jordan_stratton: You're not impressing anyone, server who didn't write down our orders. You're just making us anxious.
@DadInUtah: Wife: We're supposed to get 8-10 inches tonight. Me: That's what she said. Wife: Can't you do any better than that? Me: That's what she said