@TheTweetOfGod: Sounds like @rickygervais is an arachnophobe, and you know what that means: Deep down inside, he's a spider.
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@FlyJ_: Florist: "Would you like your flowers wrapped?" Me: "Nope, they're going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law."
@ThisOneSayz: Boss: this project is moving along at a snail's pace!! *silence* Todd the snail: This is bullshit *spends 3hrs storming out of meeting*