@DaddyJew: Spaghetti, because you didn't like that shirt anyways
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@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
@Mellicubed: My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down.
@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"
@BobTheSuit: Use Angie's List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.