@kelkulus: Spanish for wife - "esposa"
Spanish for handcuffs - "esposas"
Well played, Spanish
@daemonic3: Alex: A ship that has sunk
What is my relationship?
Alex: No sorry tha-
[glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex
@Brampersandon_: Hey check out this new candle I got.
-Sweet. What flavor is it?
I think you mean 'what scent is it?'
*with a mouthful of candle wax*
@Jennuflect: *wakes up w/phone in hand*
Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night
Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?
@ThatRascalPuff: No need to write it down, I've a photographic memory
*looks hard af*
@jackmackenroth: I'm sorry we fought. I hate it when you're wrong.