@kelkulus: Spanish for wife - "esposa"
Spanish for handcuffs - "esposas"
Well played, Spanish
@SteveSuckington: You drop ONE baby and everyone's all like, "Quit juggling babies Steve. You're the worst babysitter ever!"
@iGreenMonk: You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they're trying on clothes in the fitting room.
@xstonerhumor: lol this is me all the time....."but can I bring weed?"
@hell_homer: This is your brain: [hippo standing in a field] This is your brain on twitter: [100s of people surround the hippo patting it rhythmically]
@bornmiserable: [ER: Goth Unit]
Nurse: Doctor, the patient is starting to smile
Doctor: God damnit NOT ON MY WATCH I WANT 500 CCS OF JOY DIVISION NOW