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@Dawn_M_: He said I reminded him of the girl from The Ring. We laughed and laughed, and then I put an axe in his back and ate his soul.
@Brianhopecomedy: I've tried everywhere so I can confirm that there is no snooze button on a baby.
@topaz_kell: And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.