@Brentweets: Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shawnspree: Wife: Why do I have a temperature of 101.3? Me: Maybe you're pregnant? Wife: What's wrong with you? *damn you webMD, damn you.
@DjJazzyJeffro: A guy at the bar asked me to pass him the salt and pepper, so I punched him in the face and yelled, GET YOUR OWN DISTINGUISHED HAIR JERK!
@murrman5: [helping son prepare for first date] "what if she doesn't like it" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son
@RVGisFUNNY: I just read an article about a man swept out to sea during a baptism. I guess that's God's Way of saying "Nope".