@Brentweets: Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes.
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@Mister_Veritas: [first day in the mob] *leans over to mafioso* Hey, so, uhh, I've always wondered: are they all just named "Don" or...
@thexythara: If I say "I don't know, let me look", I'm really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you're on hold.
@DuaneABarrett: Just overheard someone say, "I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries." You know. Like a book.
@KateWhineHall: I'm eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it's six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I'm still better than you.