@SusanRinell: Speed-dating, but it's just me going from table to table stealing fries from unsuspecting couples gazing longingly into each other's eyes
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@RandomAntics: My yoga instructor said "sometimes not moving is the hardest thing for us to do," and I started laughing so hard I had to excuse myself.
@jergarl: When I was a kid I used to ask my my papa... "Whatcha doin?" Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.
@pleatedjeans: Instead of yelling "Hello?" when u think a murderer's in your home, say "Goodbye" Then if he's there he'll be like well OK guess I'm leaving
@LoveNLunchmeat: Quick question: How many bowls of mac and cheese can you eat during a Skype job interview before you look unprofessional?