@SleazySli: Speed dating has nothing to do with drugs. I know that now.
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@jenyb4: Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say "please put your shoes on" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true.
@ghostkrogh: [grocery store] Me (chewing): why are these grapes expensive Cashier: We know ppl eat them before they pay Me (still chewing): well I never
@phaggots: "Paper or plastic?" Sorry i have a boyfriend "Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-" I think we should just be friends