@Quartzjixler: Speed dating
(Don't say anything embarrassing)
"So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?"
(DAMMIT!)
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@Lisa_Laughs_: My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!
@Ivsy01: Breaking up (be mature, be mature, be mature) Me: (eating chips) you can't use the carpool lane anymore.
@qbermensch: "pew, pew, pew!" -me, pointing out seating options in a church
@_xLNc: My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
@clindsaysway: Heard Santa and his wife separated, which would make them independent Clauses.
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