@dhumann: [speed dating]
Me: "Facebook or Twitter?"
Me: "Have a nice life."
@imdaintyaf: Please don't put a coin on my mouth when I die; I plan to wander the shores of the River Styx for 100 years & finally get that bikini body.
@wittwitbarista: Him: let's play a game of rhyme. I'll go first. Romantic
Him: this isn't going well.
@Scarlet_Wiitch: When they bring the bill at the bar and you're too drunk to count😂
@E_lok44: The world is so overpopulated, it's getting so a girl can't even find a nice, quiet place to yank out her wedgie.
@nigburt: My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one