@joshbupkes: Speed was unrealistic because nobody riding a bus wants to live
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@funnybeachgirl: Energizing breakfast smoothie: 1. 2 cups chopped kale 2. 1 ripe banana 3. 1/8 tsp flax oil 4. 1/2 cup coconut water 5. 3 grams of cocaine
@Gooooats: Me: I love you. Her: ... Me: ... Her: ... Me: tah. I love Utah. So many national parks.
@skittle624: Someone on Facebook added me to my high school reunion page and wants volunteers to help with it. I said I’d love to, but I have a pillow that I need to suffocate myself with instead.
@juliussharpe: I bet "Fifty Shades of Grey" won't make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost.