@highinamerica: Spell check changed "important" to "impotent" so basically I have a meeting in the morning that can't get it up.
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@secondofhername: If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry
@NicCageMatch: Just saw a girl wearing a "BAD GAL" t-shirt so I yelled "NO!" & smacked her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
@KalvinMacleod: Genie: 1st wish ME: I wish for a pen G: #2 M: another pen G: wtf M: I already lost the 1st pen G: and ur 3rd M: ur not going to believe this
@jeffswarens: Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.