@Asbo_Unicorn: Spelling is very important in cosmetic surgery no one wants buttocks injected into their face
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@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
@TheOneTrueDisco: If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work.
@ifuseekamynow: 7: mommy can I play on your computer? Me: later 7: what do you mean by later? Me: I'm hoping you forget.