@wingzfly: Spent all day doing one of my favorite things ever - not dying. Score.
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@alextranquada: A black shape emerges from your attic; all you can see are claws. You’ve made $4000 in 30 minutes working from home, but at what cost?
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Boss asked if I was ready for more responsibility. I'm eating around a sticker on an apple cause I'm too lazy to peel it off so I guess no.
@david8hughes: Interviewer: u worked in sales before? Me: yeah Interviewer: what's your background? Me [gets phone out]: picture of my dog eating spaghetti
@Jodesaroo: Forget waterboarding, just put a cold hand on my belly and I'll tell you anything you want to know.