@birbigs: Spent the entire day milking a single almond.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I'm telling him that he is making me late for work and he's telling me that he is Batman.
@imdaintyaf: I don't want anti-wrinkle cream, I want a serum that bestows wrinkles upon my enemies.
@daemonic3: Rather than vote, let's all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.
@Barknado69: [Date] Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there Me (nervous she's trying to clone me): give it back