@Tmoney68: Spice up Christmas shopping by entering random fitting rooms, waiting 5 minutes, then yelling, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
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@Smooheed: Jobs I'd be shit at: -brain surgeon -rocket scientist -ventriloquist -goat herder -sober person thingy
@trojansauce: BOSS: tell me about susanne ME: *takes a drag of cigarette* ah, the one that got away BOSS: you're a zoo keeper none of them should get away
@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."
@BooFricketyHoo: I'm on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.