@Tmoney68: Spice up Christmas shopping by entering random fitting rooms, waiting 5 minutes, then yelling, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
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@QwertyJones3: [Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say "tackle", not "tickle".
@BradBroaddus: Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked. So did all the other people at the post office.
@CoolCamel69: "we're broke? how is that possible?" (extremely high pitched voice) no idea "did you-" *opens closet & hundreds of helium tanks fall out*