@Mr_Kapowski: Spice up your otherwise trite wedding by making the groomsmen act as pallbearers and carry the groom to the altar in a casket
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@EndhooS: Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX
@CulturedRuffian: I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
@Jake_Vig: If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he's just not that into you.
@Amiigat: The fact that there is even such a thing as ugly hookers tells you pretty much all you need to know about men...