@EtobicokeErnie: My neighbour is on his front porch wearing a Halloween mask and oven mitts while trying to remove a wasps nest. This should be interesting.

@ObscureGent: I never took a drama class but everyone at this birthday believes that I love this gluten free cake.

@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"

@SamuelHLowe: I bought some super sensitive condoms a few months ago and they won't stop crying because I don't use them.

@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends* Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon. Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons? Me: You heard me.