@snack_lord: Spider Can, Spider Can, bunch of spiders in a can. Shake it up, spiders mad, open it, they bite your hand. Look out! I have a spider can
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@ericsshadow: The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
@JohnLyonTweets: Her: You have selective hearing. You never hear criticism and only hear things that make you look good. Me: Thanks, you look good too.
@BakedBrotatoes: Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready.
@SirEviscerate: CABLE COMPANY: Someone will be there between 6:30 am and 9:45 pm. ME: That's pretty vague. CC: Oh, sorry. It'll be a cable TV installer.