@snack_lord: Spider Can, Spider Can, bunch of spiders in a can. Shake it up, spiders mad, open it, they bite your hand. Look out! I have a spider can
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@DaHess1: Whenever someone dies they always tell me God called them home so that's why I'll never give Jesus my real phone number.
@rachelle_mandik: there is no way you can prove that babies grow and are not instead replaced overnight with entirely new but slightly larger babies
@doublewenis: Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams.
@markedly: My teenage son Filbert was ejected from the Young Republicans for naming his pet lizard Bernie Salamanders. You bet your buns he's grounded.