@Sanbel11: Spider just landed on my shoulder. I didn't want to kill it so I just fainted instead.
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@laurajennyjo: I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid
@iAmDelFreaky: I was practicing moves on a stripper pole, when all of a sudden I heard a loud ringing. Then 3 firemen fell from the sky and crushed me.
@mattgallo123: Whenever I'm drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I'm exercising or if they know I'm hungover on laundry day.
@Breadery: Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won't be unusual.