@OhNoSheTwitnt: Spider-Man is my favorite superhero whose name is made up of 2 things that scare the shit out of me.
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@thenoahkinsey: *therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
@wickedsuga: My cashier at the grocery store bagged the tomatoes with the ketchup and I swear I could hear them screaming.
@whalesmells: You're the apple of my eye. The grape of my elbow. The lemon of my foot. The banana of my hair. My sweet hair banana.
@TheSharona06: When taking your dog to the vet it's very important to remember to put your dog in the car.