@RobDenBleyker: Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story.
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@decentbirthday: cop: the perp was found with red paint on his fingers, so i guess you could say he was caught.. *looks at camera* why is there a camera here
@SlabBaconBP: I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I'm biologically driven to want to reproduce with you & I'm temporarily delusional"
@staceys55: Police: "You were going fast." Me: "I was trying to keep up with traffic." Police: "There isn't any." Me: "That's how far behind I am!"
@Terdoh: Eat, Pray, Love was such a boring movie, I watched it on a plane and people still walked out.