@TheLevelArc: Spiderman's villain should just be a glass jar and a piece of paper.
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@gabeserra: Power's been out for 40 minutes and the kids are asking why I haven't put new batteries in the house yet...
@girl_a_whirl: A bird in the... *BLOCKED* Birds of ... *BLOCKED The early bird catches the wo...*BLOCKED & REPORTED FOR ABUSIVE CONTENT -worms on Twitter
@TheMichaelRock: Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food.
@avxlanche: the difference between me and humpty dumpty is that his friends looked at him and thought to themselves "we should put him back together"