@Thereeveryday: Spiders: Nature's reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl.
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@Pmerrily: Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
@Thedudish: My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."
@michaelianblack: Is it racist that I only use chopsticks when eating Asian food? I'm never like, "Time for pancakes! Where are my chopsticks?"