Graduating from law school and immediately googling what can you do with a law degree
You Might Also Like
The bad news: climate change threatens 1 in every 4 species with extinction.
The good news: you’re one of them.
This day in history. 1634. The Irish House of Commons passed An Act for the Punishment for the Vice of Buggery, prodded so to speak to do so by Anglican bishop John Atherton who was later the first to be hanged for the crime.
Me: Ugh. Something I ate this morning didn’t agree with me.
[Inside my stomach]
Chicken Quesadilla: “The Notebook” was an overrated film.
My lady husky is mad I won’t feed her early so she just maintained eye contact with me and started chewing the corner of the brand new dining table.
I wanna go out
I wanna come in
I wanna go out
I wanna come in
I wanna go out
I wanna come in-My dog, all day long.
Sorry I haven’t tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps.
LASAGNA IS ONE OF THE WORST SPELLED WORDS THAT SHIT IS ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS, SHOULD BE LASONYA BUT UR ALL SCARED TO TALK ABOUT IT, SCARED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN
Me: I’ll remember this verification code and don’t need to write it down.
Me two seconds later: Oh no!
Alexa, take down my Christmas decorations.
Just once, I’d like to see an honest Facebook status, like “happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!”
[poking you repeatedly in the shoulder] I’ll keep this up until you acknowledge me. I’ve got nowhere else to be.
“I think we should-”
Kiss under the moonlight? omg we finish each other’s sentences!
Hairdresser: was gonna say trim the sides a bit shorter
“How’d that happen, Bill?”
“I don’t know.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m just stumped.”
(with the most anger i’ve ever experienced in my life) ok sounds good
“Said no one ever.” -Said everyone on Twitter.
I got bit by an Amazon box. Every full moon I turn into a werehouse.
It took me 2 whiskeys to remember I know how to do karate.
[Me in a horror movie]
*is not at the cabin because I have no friends*
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
All I’m saying is once your kid passes first grade you can stop spending $$$ on school pictures. Second grade and up always gets their pictures taken after recess.
Writing “fake bills” on all my credit card statements and sending them back.
I stopped to tie my shoe at the airport and someone reported me as an unattended bag.
Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don’t want to get off the couch.
To animals (lizards?) that prey on mosquitoes: You guys need anything? Ice? More towels? Tickets to Cirque du Soleil?
I quit my job this week to pursue my dreams.
I can never remember my dreams so this is going to be interesting.
with both parents in the hospital the second most asked question i get after “how are they” is “how is your husband doing with the kids when you’re gone all the time?”
im going to start telling people he was unable to handle them so he sold them to the circus
Scissors [to Rock]: So you beat me & I beat Paper but how does Paper beat you?
[cut to Paper meeting a hitman] Make it look like an accident
[Brings pot brownies to the PTA meeting]
– New playground approved
– All classes now held outside
My stylist cut my bangs too short so now I look like a dreadfully concerned 7 year old.
Mirror: If you break me, it’s 7yrs bad luck.
Condom: LOL