@Jen_says_nah: Spoiler alert for the lady in this line, repeatedly asking her newborn 'what's wrong?' Its not gonna answer ya.
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@Reverend_Scott: When I lift one of my dog's muddy paws to clean it he acts like he's gonna fall down. DOG YOU STILL GOT 3 LEGS. I ONLY GOT 2
@DamonHunzeker: "A Bunch of Stuff I Remembered and Then Compiled into a Narratively Cohesive Yet Inconsistently Compelling Tome: A Memoir"
@novicefather: Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets.