@TheBoydP: Spoiler alert: Sometimes accountants are boring on purpose because we think it’s funny when we see people’s eyes glaze over.
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@illiter8too: SALESWOMAN: (looking alarmed) Well, yes, I guess, technically the dress fits. ME: (limbs and face turning purple) Can you believe this? I’ve never been a size zero!
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: Know why I pulled u over C: Stop that M: Stop that C: Wanna go to jail? M: Wanna go to jail? C: No.. errr
@VodkaShorebird: The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me.
@SteveSuckington: We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too