@TheBoydP: Spoiler alert: Sometimes accountants are boring on purpose because we think it’s funny when we see people’s eyes glaze over.
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@Michael1979: Ways that I am superior to dolphins: - Am not afraid of being on dry land - If you ask me to open an envelope, I do it quickly and it doesn't get wet - Faster at replying to emails - Know more about the causes of World War 1 - Very rare for me to be swept up in a fishing net
@FadeAway2: You drink WAY too much, and you have questionable morals . . . me talking to myself in the mirror before going out at night .
@LackOfShame: Me: Do you like the new ceiling fan? Her: Yeah, but the fan light is really dull. Fan light: Ok wow like I'm right here
@copymama: After days stranded at sea on the edge of starvation, my 4yo is rescued & given bread: “This has seeds on it,” she scoffs, pushing it away.