@Damnsotrue: Spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
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@shutupmikeginn: Internet Explorer: so about last night Me: Oh, i used you for flash. IE: Are we back together, am i your default? Me: don't make this weird
@ShortSleeveSuit: Girl: I like good boys Me [trying to impress her]: *shapeshifts into a pack of smiley golden retrievers*
@mamatomy3: My son has stolen my iPad to play minecraft. Please retweet this so the notifications disrupt his playing.