@Damnsotrue: Spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
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@terio1429: Library charged my Visa $15.60 for my son's lost Dr. Seuss book. Teri got mad oh yes she did, Teri got angry and grounded her kid.
@Teowulf: When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."
@murrman5: [in car with wife] "did you take $20 from my purse?" *sips $3 coffee* no *gets rear ended and $17 worth of sour candy falls out of glovebox*
@ThaJawn: (prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?