@notalogin: Sportscenter, episode 542783747363467367984768474756431063389425993399064375493638386747899532689432462567953467347: Men talking animatedly.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Most women love it when you play with their hair in public Their husbands not so much
@thejamietighe: Stop earbuds from tangling by putting them on then carefully stapling them to your body. Who's ready for music? Not you. You have tetanus
@withanewname: Wife: "you think all that sugar you fed the kids this morning was a wise idea?" Me: "why?" W: M: W: "they're running along side the car"