@eedrk: spraypainting "CHEATER" on my car to make it look like im sexually active
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@iinkedZombie: [after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!
@Reverend_Scott: [Adam and Eve in bed] Adam, am I really the only girl for you? GOD EVE, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
@rablivingstone: In some societies it's considered rude to put post-it notes on people's heads in the doctor's surgery with your guess what's wrong with them
@HavocMantis: Me: The cool thing about writing is that you learn a lot about yourself. *learns a lot about myself* Me: aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA