@Love_bug1016: [first date]
Him: I love Asian girls
Me: [trying to act all Asian]
*smiles
*starts sweating
*attempts to pick up chopsticks
*fumbles
*chopstick goes flying
*stabs him in the eye
Him: No, not like that
@PAPIKAIBITCH: SOME GIRLS GET BEATEN UP BY THEIR BOYFRIENDS AND STICK AROUND SAYING "I SEE SOMETHING IN HIM" LIKE WTF YOU SEE??? A REMATCH?
@mortimermaiden: Me: I need to go to the doctor but my car won't start.
Mechanic: Did you try jumping it?
Me: Of course, how did you think I broke my legs?
@anerdonfire2: The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
@canadian_jane: Twitter is cool because it makes me look like I'm texting my friends instead of talking to myself.
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