@TylerFoFyler: Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said "strip down facing me," she meant my credit card.

@blondecalamity: Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME.

@StinkyGr33n: *Passive-aggressively skips through your selfies and only likes pics of your dog*

@JohnLyonTweets: Safety inspector: I found two major issues with your Death Star. For one thing, there are no railings. Grand Moff Tarkin: We believe railings would detract from the austerity of our bottomless chasms. Safety inspector: That brings us to my second issue...

@TheHyyyype: MOST TIMES: i know all of the lyrics to this song and could sing it in my sleep DURING KARAOKE: i don't remember a single word, may have even forgotten about the very concept of music