@fillthevacuum: "Spring is in the air" I proclaim as I hurl a Slinky at your head.
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@Fred_Delicious: If I had a time machine I'd alter the Big Bang Theory pilot episode so all the characters exploded in the very first scene
@shegotagronk: Complimented Taylor Swift on her shirt yesterday and now she's in a tree outside my window with a guitar and a wedding dress. Send.Help.Now.
@bourgeoisalien: My favorite German children's story is that one where some unspeakably terrifying thing happens to teach a minor lesson.