@MrGynosaur: Sprinklers are just little heads looking around for their friends but they can't find them so they cry
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@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Your word is 'embarrassing' "Oh I don't mind, you can say it" No, it's really 'embarrassing' "Ok, I promise not to laugh"