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@JumpOnMyTutu: *Squats down to look for food in the refrigerator*
@WhatevaConc: Stellar hiring process HR. The new lady broke into song when being introduced to me. I give it 2 days before her first cat-related meltdown.
@RoosterMustache: God: make alcohol really fun
Angel: haha ok
God: but it makes them stupid
Angel: i dont know if-
God: and if they have too much they die
@ohpeetie: [ Boyfriend walks into the room ]
Well, well, well....if it isn't the boy who tried to break up with me in a dream last night.
@GUBLERNATION: accidentally stabbed a friend last night but a little later a different friend caught on fire and i put him out with my hand so i'm even
@rockymomax: CLERK: $3.74
ME: *reaches in pocket & pulls out whole ham* sorry I have cash *reaches back in & pulls out 2nd ham* well this is embarrassing