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@jordan_stratton: ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?
@SemFitty: Accidentally put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning. I was going 130 mph down the interstate when I realized that I forgot my car.
@internetluke: *gets on 1 knee* Jenny... "OMG" *places hand on heart and starts crying* "This is great!" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack