@Schmoodles: Stabbed myself in the eye with a yellow pen and now everything looks all Instagramy.
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@mattZillaaaa: I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up
@robfee: Paper towel ads always show kids making huge messes then mom smiles & cleans it up. My mom would've handed me a mop then beat me with a belt
@OBiiieeee: one time my dad walked in on me smoking an E cig and made me eat a whole pack of batteries
@rachelle_mandik: do you think the guy who designed hand grenades really hated pineapples, or really loved them?