@TheTimmyToes: stadium announcer: "STADIUM!"
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@TheSharona06: When taking your dog to the vet it's very important to remember to put your dog in the car.
@SteveSuckington: "Ok, identify the noun in this sentence. Timmy is stupid." Timmy: stupid? "Exactly"
@BoutCrazed: The way I see it, the only thing my daughter's little "boyfriend" needs to know about me is I ain't afraid to go back to prison.
@trentistweeting: ME: [at a party] hey! wanna come back to my place and- GIRL: hook up? sure! ME: [sadly putting away two Yu-Gi-Oh! decks] oh. awesome