@lindseyallen: Stand way over there and let me tell you a funny fairytale. Once upon a time I ate all of your Halloween candy this morning.
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@HomeProbably: After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.
@DothTheDoth: Two squirrels in the backyard. But they are not playing together. Wonder if there's history.
@NYC_Blonde: I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.
@Ygrene: [On the phone with the police for the 7th time in 2 weeks] "Sir, again, we cannot arrest your cat"