@Smooheed: Standing behind a hot guy on a treadmill saying 'don't worry baby, I'll catch you if you fall' makes him run for a really really long time
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@TheRolo: FBI: "Report anything that seems suspicious" Citizens: "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" FBI: "K like not anything anything"
@GrantTanaka: a good way to greet new neighbors is by practicing your pitchfork-throwing in the front yard & impressing them w/ your deadly accuracy
@JimmerThatisAll: The most important thing I teach my guitar students is never sing Brown Eyed Girl to a green eyed woman.
@zachreinert03: My ex claimed I had a 'hero' complex, but whatever I think wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants is a bold & brave fashion choice