@wesleybordelon: Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section.
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@J_Mainwaring69: *Judge raises hammer* "I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE" -*defendant chuckles* "I'm already alive you MORON!"
@TonyFratto: I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S.
@JimGaffigan: GOALS FOR MORNING: Run Clean up Hang w/ kids Workout Write Get organized Respond to emails Return calls SO FAR: Wrote this About to nap