@wesleybordelon: Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section.
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@Ixwie: Ever show ur mum a tweet that u find funny and instead of laughing she just asks 'who's that?' Like I don't know but that's not the point
@AnOrangeSNES: "Murder most fowl!" I scream as the cops pull me away from the many duck corpses. They explain I misunderstood Hamlet while arresting me.
@delusions_of: Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want, you'll still have herpes.