@JasonLastname: *stands next to ATM and cheers every time someone wins money*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@joejwest: SECURITY GUARD: [speaking into the cuff of his shirt] The president is on his way to the car LITTLE MOUSE THAT LIVES IN HIS SLEEVE: Ok cool
@therealeatwood: “…and silk so fine, Sire, that fools cannot even see it.” EMPEROR: So idiots can see through my clothes? That sounds completely acceptable.
@mattsurely: *wife comes home* "Did you fix the toilet?" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] "You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"
@TheSharona06: Me: My tarot cards say that you're going to be in pain soon. Him: Ha! My Magic 8 Ball said No. *hurls Magic 8 Ball at him* Him: Ouch!