@JasonLastname: *stands next to ATM and cheers every time someone wins money*
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@TheWoodenslurpy: Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
@theshamingofjay: I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
@stevetweeters: Oops. Everyone brought their "see you next year"s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.