@Christi_Q: Star Wars has given me unrealistic expectations of who my father is.
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@imadepoopstoday: [job interview] "We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position." It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it. "...yes."
@Mikecanrant: The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: We broke up. Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?