@Christi_Q: Star Wars has given me unrealistic expectations of who my father is.
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@WilliamRodgers: "Age is just a number" ...so is your credit score, your weight, the balance in your bank account
@noog: Put on sunglasses. Now run past a crowd of people with your index finger on your ear screaming "SNIPER HAS BEEN SPOTTED SIR"
@murrman5: [closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"