@iLikeCatShirts: Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.
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@ibid78: When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for.
@TheTalkingPipe: Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
@Doublelife64: Me to 4 yr old niece: your shoes are on the wrong feet Niece looks down and says: I don't have any other feet Outsmarted again.
@mzyvonne7: I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Thursday