@iLikeCatShirts: Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.
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@GVNGMiami: Biden: Maybe we make our own country and he won't be invited Obama: Joe Biden: And MAYBE THIS TIME WE CALL IT THE BLACK HOUSE RIGHT BARACK
@jwoodham: Don't listen to people who tell you not to stay up late. They're just trying to trick you into being a well-rested person who isn't anxious.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: "Jesus, please make me a better person..." Jesus: *deletes my account* Me: "NOT LIKE THAT!"
@brennadine: Thought it would be romantic to recreate the 12 Days of Christmas, but having 23 game birds indoors is actually a hellish nightmare.