@iLikeCatShirts: Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.
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@shatterpants: I like to tell people "it's a black thing, you wouldn't understand."And they'd be all "but you're white" I told ya you wouldn't understand.
@weinerdog4life: Turn your proctologist into a magician by stuffing 45 feet of scarves in your butt.
@Kilgore_Studge: I always write "boing" in the memo section of my checks, so all parties involved know how this is gonna go.