@meganamram: Starbucks coffee is disgusting. First of all it tastes like soap, second of all u have to get it from dispensers in the BATHROOM????
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@bourgeoisalien: I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I’m surprised by on my neighbor’s lawn are metal lawn ornaments he’s had for 5 years.
@awkwardphilippe: Wanna go out with me? Make an awkward face for yes. Name the entire periodic table for no.
@Bearslietoo: Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it "resisting arrest."
@LaLuchaNix: My husband says none of my metaphors make any sense. He is just an empty canoe in the snow.