@Blarebare: Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They're your soulmate.
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@Matt_The_1st: Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
@dadamantium: Me: Daughters, dude. Driving me crazy, you know? Him: Yeah. Me: Want another juice box, bro? Him: Yeah. 3 year-old neighbor boy gets me.
@ObscureGent: My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish.
@lasergirl70: Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.