@ewfeez: Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m.
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@man_spach: My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they're like, sir that's just irritable bowel syndrome.
@SammySkinns: Recent studies show that eating bacon or other red meats increases your chances of dying by 20% So apparently I have a 120% chance of dying