@TheCatWhisprer: Starting a diet is a lot like starting a lawn mower, you struggle and sweat and end up on the couch eating ice cream with your shirt off.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: Remember when that really cute guy held the door for you at the book store? He doesn't.
@withanewname: *moves heaven & earth for her* *moves more left *more left *little right *little more right *moves heaven & earth back to original spot*
@XplodingUnicorn: 1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That’s how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.